The most mindfully mindful thing I do…



Things I’ve always wanted to know the answer to

So this is a random post indeed, but a very valid one. Ever had a ‘I wonder’ moment and found yourself drifting off down a random thought path. Maybe even googled it and wasted an entire evening on it. I mean, that’s mindfulness isn’t it? And yes it totally is.

So I hope the below gives you a chuckle and please contribute your ‘I’ve always wondered or wanted to know’ things below. Bathe in the random things that you now pay attention to and stay in the moment for a bit! 

Always for a reason...

Always for a reason...


The song, Professional Widow by Tori Amos - Did I just hear ‘He’s got a big dick?’

So this often comes on in the car as it forms part of a House music album that takes me back to my child-free, heel-wearing, bunion-free days. The lyrics go like this.

‘Oh honey bring it close to my

Oh honey bring it close to my lips, yeah

Oh honey bring it close to my…. and then it sounds like:

He’s or it’s and then something about big or dick?!?’

Whatever the situation, the woman clearly has high expectations in life. And is under the age of 30 if she’s up for what it sounds like she's up for! But I'm a little jealous...


Do diaries/planners/sort your life out notepads have the human equivalent of catnip soaked into them?

I must have spent a fortune on notepads. I am drawn to white ruled paper with unbent pages and the feeling when you write on the first page, is one of utter competence and high hopes. I also have to buy a new pen to christen those pages with. My chewed blunt pencil or gob-soaked biro just won’t do. 3 days later you’re using the same notepad to write a note using a blunt pencil telling your other half to take the bins out before you get up.

Does anyone ever finish a notepad to the end?

Does anyone other than students write on those straight lines?

Does anyone else get nervous about blank sheets of paper? Just so much freedom and potential judgement of your ability to write in a straight line right there. Cold shivers just ran over my body thinking about it.


What did our parents and grandparents really do without baby monitors?

I’ve always wondered whether they had that same feeling us parents secretly have once our child’s breathing slows and the old nasal intake becomes louder. Asleep at last! But how did they know this was the case? Did they sit outside our bedroom door or simply leg it as soon as they got to the end of Miffy and crack open the Babycham and pop Boney M on the stereo? 

Whatever went on, we’ll never find out. But I suspect many of my now bad habits have been formed as a result of peeping through holes in the lounge door!


Once you have children, is there a parenting professional out there who can confirm an impact to the following:

  1. dance rhythm
  2. ability to wear high heels
  3. wearing thong knickers
  4. memory

If you can’t tick atleast two of those, then I simply cannot talk to you ever again.


What sort of person would you be if you enjoyed every moment?

We’re constantly told to enjoy every moment, because life goes past so quickly, but hands-up, I can’t do it and I don’t want to do it. I’ve recently found that it’s OK to have rubbish days and to not default into that ‘let’s turn that frown upside down’ mentality. I like bathing in my own shit to put it bluntly.

But seriously, what would someone who enjoyed every single moment look like? I reckon something like this and I’m so sorry for the brazen judgment, but I want to prove a point here.

  1. They’d waft around a lot. I don’t think they’d even have feet and as they move, a fluffy cloud and glitter would swirl around them. Just think of the mess. Just think of the high heels they’d never wear
  2. They wouldn’t swear. Ever. Not even the words bloody hell.
  3. They’d have jaw ache. All that smiling. All that happiness. How painful.
  4. They’d never wear black. In fact, they’d wear white and gold all of the time. So long as they carried 20 outfit changes per day to accommodate the child-related spillages and bodily fluids, they'd be fine. Like f*ck would they. Think of the washing. 
  5. You’d never see them eating Krispy Kreme doughnuts or them shoving the second doughnut in their gob in just two mouthfuls (which means it doesn’t count if it was a quick shove it in snack). No thanks. 

So, in a nutshell, the above person isn’t real. And would be a bit boring if you ask me.


SO Is all of the above just a laugh, or is there a serious message here? Yes, there totally is. I'm so bored of the word mindful or mindfulness. It's past it's expiry date, as are some of the suggested ways of being mindful. So really, this blog is trying to encourage you to wallow in the small, the strange and the abnormal things in life and waste a bit of time doing so. So bloody what! That's my mindful, as is researching how tall Jesus was at 10:35pm on a school night  and being annoyed because I ended up drifting off at 11pm. But you know what, it took me away from my crappy reality for just 25 minutes. And that's a brilliant thing.

Being mindful can be being silly or escaping to a part of your brain that you might not share with others. And that's ok you know.